Life truly is an amazing thing. I have never found myself in a position where I am just genuinely happy until right now. I actually just catch myself smiling for no reason as I walk to class while the sun is shinnied down.I actually socialize and hang out with friends on spontaneous adventures. I actually enjoy eating out and truly savoring my food, which is something that I would not have done two years ago. I am actually at a point in my life where I am so thankful for all the blessings God has truly bestowed on me :)
Middle School Me probably would have been proud and crying for how much I have accomplished within myself over the past years. I struggled so bad with having confidence in myself. I was so caught up with what people were thinking about me. I felt like I had to win people's approval to fit in.
High School me is probably so proud by how much I have grown matured over these few summers. I just remember how miserable I was my freshman year when I felt like I couldn't find a group of friends that i could be myself around. I remember how much that killed me and how depressed I was because of that. I remember thinking that If I was a size 0, I would be happy and "cool". Boy was I wrong. I was starving, miserable, grumpy, and antisocial. I couldn't even go out to eat and look at a menu without crying about my life. I wouldn't even want to go out and hang with friends. I overexercised my body because I thought that was the way I could lose weight the healthy way. I became so over wrapped by my eating disorder. It consumed me. My thoughts took control over my body and it was like I was a robot and did whatever my eating disorder told me to do. I became a homebody and spent hours in my room just crying about my life, asking God if things would ever get better. I asked for a second chance of life to really go out and live it and enjoy it. I prayed so hard to be happy again and to truly find the meaning of confidence.
I feel like God gave me this chance in college. To truly find independence and and become the best version of myself. Like I don't care if i'm not in a relationship right now! I enjoy looking at cute boys though on my way to class and just having guy friends that I can count on. I would rather have that than just having a new boyfriend the first two weeks of school. Like I would rather go out and make a ton of friends than depending on a guy right now. Like I want to use this year to grow physically, mentally, spiritually, and academically. I would have never imagined myself going out to boba with my friends the very first day of college or just chilling with three guys in my room and just having fun. There's so much more to life than just being in a relationship. I mean of course there are times where I do want to spend time with a special person, but I'm having the time of life right now so it doesn't bug me as much. I like making friends and creating new memories that I can remember for a lifetime. I'm actually stepping out of my comfort zone for once and truly discovering what life is about. I actually had fries two days in a row! I still make it my priority to get in some exercise and eat as healthy as possible because that is a true passion for me. Even though I don't have a kitchen anymore, I still enjoy the many things that comes with eating true and good for you food. It's amazing.
There are so many emotions that I can describe how I feel right now about my college life. I truly want to make this an amazing first year and have an amazing time getting to know people. and Just truly being confident and outgoing and living a life outside of an eating disorder. Still enjoying exercise and eating healthy, but a pizza with friends won't hurt every once in a while. That is all I have to say for now but I'll definitely catch up with you soon :)
-Miss Sammi
