Guys are just confusing.

     College has been a mix of emotions during these past two months. From lack of sleep to eating
too much in the dining halls to working out all the stress in the recreation center to going on random adventures at night, college has been a pretty crazy experience so far. I feel like I'm slowly discovering who I am and what I like. Of course there are times when I feel lost, but through these
struggles, I am figuring out myself more.

     But I have made so many experiences here that will last a lifetime. This freshman year of college is honestly so much more memorable than my freshman year of high school (UGH a nightmare that was!). I've done things that I've never thought I would ever do. I pushed myself to step out of my comfort zone and honestly that probably was one of best decisions I have ever made. I feel like I grew more confident and adventurous! Like I feel like that shy girl that I once was is no longer here. She really grew and matured.

     Boys have also been an interesting experience here as well. With 1000s of fishes in this giant ocean, it's like I'm surrounded by some pretty cute boys and I'm here like waht. Of course boys are not a priority right now. Especially with what happened over this past weekend. Okay so I already wrote in my journal about this one guy that I met on the first day of move in. And like honestly I thought we really grew closer over this time that we've been here. I mean we've had plenty of casual times that we've gotten food together and hung out just the two of us. And it's like I felt like there were signs where I was felt pretty sure that he liked me. What friend will just hold your hand if they only saw you as a friend but then they tell someone else that they like you. Like the thing that makes me mad is that when you say Oh yeah this is when I first started Sam blah blah blah and then you end it saying that oh I don't know if I want to pursue because I'm scared of losing her as a good friend. And idk it's like I'm standing right there and I'm thinking of what you are saying. I mean if you build up these walls too much you could potentially be holding yourself back from something that could be potential good, and here's a girl that likes you but in a way you are pushing her away. I mean I guess its something in yourself that you need to work on because of all the comparisons that you make of the past and future and the contradicting things that you would say and do that confused me if you even thought there was a little thing going on between us. I mean it honestly hurt me the most when you said oh yeah i only think of you maybe 2-3 times and oh that there was someone else that was hindering your feelings for me. I mean I'm glad that you told me that but I also wish you didn't because that really did hurt, And it's like i am understanding when you said that you don't view yourself as man that can take care of me. But its like I thought you were different, like I honestly saw something that was different about you than the rest of the guys that I've liked in high school. Like I really thought I saw something genuine about you and that's what made me fall. I mean i just don't understand why guys are so scared to commit to a great girl who also has her walls up but actually wants to get to know you. Like it makes me question if your feelings were/are even genuine. I mean I know you have that point where we don't really know each other but it's like I want to get to know you. What sucks the most is that this was one of those things where it's like oh its not you its me. And  what hurts the most is that you even said it really was your fault. And I even asked you at the end what's going to happen at the end of this conversation and you asked me if i'm okay. I mean I said I am but now I am not really sure at all what to think.

     I mean I guess I just really thought you were different that there was something more to you that drew me. Hey I guess its your loss though, you could've gotten to know me more but you walked away.
 
      I really do hope that our friendship is still there but I think I'm going to use this time to really focus on myself and improve my grades (HAH  chemistry). I mean I had fun before I met you and I can have fun without you. So honestly the ball is in your hands and you choose what you want to do and what you are thinking. I'm not going to sit here feeling like I'm being played. Hell I'm going to go out in the world and do whatever the hell I want to do without feeling like you are holding me back. I had my good cries over you and yes the feelings are still there but I'm not going to wait. I have things I need to do. But hey I wish you the best and I hope our friendship remains strong. But you got what you didn't want in the first place. To not lose a good friend over fear of commitment. Well by the looks of it, you're losing her slowly.
     I don't fuck with you.

A New Beginning

     Life truly is an amazing thing. I have never found myself in a position where I am just genuinely happy until right now. I actually just catch myself smiling for no reason as I walk to class while the sun is shinnied down.I actually socialize and hang out with friends on spontaneous adventures. I actually enjoy eating out and truly savoring my food, which is something that I would not have done two years ago. I am actually at a point in my life where I am so thankful for all the blessings God has truly bestowed on me :)
     Middle School Me probably would have been proud and crying for how much I have accomplished within myself over the past years. I struggled so bad with having confidence in myself. I was so caught up with what people were thinking about me. I felt like I had to win people's approval to fit in.
    High School me is probably so proud by how much I have grown matured over these few summers. I just remember how miserable I was my freshman year when I felt like I couldn't find a group of friends that i could be myself around. I remember how much that killed me and how depressed I was because of that. I remember thinking that If I was a size 0, I would be happy and "cool". Boy was I wrong. I was starving, miserable, grumpy, and antisocial. I couldn't even go out to eat and look at a menu without crying about my life. I wouldn't even want to go out and hang with friends. I overexercised my body because I thought that was the way I could lose weight the healthy way. I became so over wrapped by my eating disorder. It consumed me. My thoughts took control over my body and it was like  I was a robot and did whatever my eating disorder told me to do. I became a homebody and spent hours in my room just crying about my life, asking God if things would ever get better. I asked for a second chance of life to really go out and live it and enjoy it. I prayed so hard to be happy again and to truly find the meaning of confidence.
     I feel like God gave me this chance in college. To truly find independence and and become the best version of myself. Like I don't care if i'm not in a relationship right now! I enjoy looking at cute boys though on my way to class and just having guy friends that I can count on. I would rather have that than just having a new boyfriend the first two weeks of school. Like I would rather go out and make a ton of friends than depending on a guy right now. Like I want to use this year to grow physically, mentally, spiritually, and academically. I would have never imagined myself going out to boba with my friends the very first day of college or just chilling with three guys in my room and just having fun. There's so much more to life than just being in a relationship. I mean of course there are times where I do want to spend time with a special person, but I'm having the time of life right now so  it doesn't bug me as much. I like making friends and creating new memories that I can remember for a lifetime. I'm actually stepping out of my comfort zone for once and truly discovering what life is about. I actually had fries two days in a row! I still make it my priority to get in some exercise and eat as healthy as possible because that is a true passion for me. Even though I don't have a kitchen anymore, I still enjoy the many things that comes with eating true and good for you food. It's amazing.
     There are so many emotions that I can describe how I feel right now about my college life. I truly want to make this an amazing first year and have an amazing time getting to know people. and Just truly being confident and outgoing and living a life outside of an eating disorder. Still enjoying exercise and eating healthy, but a pizza with friends won't hurt every once in a while. That is all I have to say for now but I'll definitely catch up with you soon :)
  -Miss Sammi

The Dancing with the Stars EXPERIENCE!

After watching dancing with stars for many seasons, I finally got to attend a live taping of the show on September 25th! I have watched the show since Shawn (don't know how to spell her name) Johnson was on it! Also after seeing my dancer crush, Derek Hough for the first time I was in love, well, technically in crush. Since then I have been hooked. 

I have always wondered what it would be like to attend a live taping of the show. I thought you had to be super famous or rich to obtain tickets for the show. Turns out all I had to do was go to oncameraaudiences.com and join a wait list to get tickets! Can't believe it took me that long to figure it out.

Okay so let me walk you through this incredible experience that I just have to share before I explode with excitement!

My advice for anyone who wants to go to the show and they happen to get tickets from the wait list: GET THERE EARLY!I got to the main gate, which was surrounded by pretty flowers, around 11:45 and there were already a few people waiting in line. We were probably like number 30 something in line which was pretty good. Also make sure you bring at least $40! Why? Well I would advise to park at the Grove parking structure. Also if you're going to be waiting in line for awhile so definitely you are going to want to sit. They rent out chairs for $10, although a little pricey, but you are going to want it trust me! 

Also make sure to bring some snacks and waters while you wait in line! There is a little health food supermarket (which I loved) at the end of the block, but the food was a little pricey. I mean $12.95 for a raw burrito! Well only in LA..And the CBS people charge like $10 for a whole meal which is supposedly brought to you by their executive chef. Hmmmmm...

Make sure you dress up too! And bring some flats in case your feet start to hurt! My feet were dying in heels. And you can have your phone in line but security takes it when you step inside the studio. (one girl managed to bring her phone in uhm excuse me!) 

Anyways you basically are just waiting in lines until around 4. At 3 though, they start checking people's tickets and writing down out place in line. And the priority people start showing up (lucky ducks get to sit up front!). Then they start bringing you into the studio and they have port-a-potties and a little gift cart! And you sit down and wait while inside they get everything ready!

About 4:30 they start letting people inside! This was the exciting part!! The set is honestly so beautiful inside. I don't want to spoil it but trust me you will be in awe. Once everyone has their seat, a warm up guy ( I think his name was Cory) gets everyone excited for the show! And since this was the Tuesday results show, people were allowed to dance on the dance floor! I never thought that I would get be on that floor! They played the wobble, and a few other songs before we had to go up to our seats.

There wasn't that many celebrities there except for Abby from dance moms! She was there to support Maddi (not really familiar with the show) who was performing her dance routine from chandelier because Sia was one of the performing acts! Also Nico and Vinz were there too performing their song "Am I wrong". You're probably only familiar with these two people if you watch a lot of YouTube ( cough cough me lol), Jennxpenn and Lauren Elizabeth were there in support of Bethany Mota! Okay back to the experience!

Let me just tell you, be prepared to scream your heads off! I can't even tell you how much I screamed that I almost lost my voice! But once the show starts its amazing! I was so starstruck at seeing all the celebrities and pro dancers in real life! A few people waved in our direction like Johnathon Bennett, Bethany Mota, Derek Hough, and a few other people! 

In conclusion, Dancing with the stars in an amazing experience and if you get the opportunity to go..GO!!Till next time lovelies :)

Miss Sammi

Wants & Needs

     Wants, according to Google, is defined as having the desire to possess or do something.
     Needs is defined as a thing that is required.



Can you guess which picture is a want or need?




  The picture to the left is the beautiful Alexander Wang Rocco Bag which I have seen everywhere and want so desperately! I mean how could you not want to walk into town with this gorgeous bag on your arm. I'm pretty sure people would have to stop and stare.

     The picture on the right is the most essential thing that we need to survive: Water. Okay so what am I getting at with these two pictures? Because I have been bored A LOT during this endless summer vacation (it finally ends in a week yay!), one of my favorite pastime activities is going shopping or just going to browse around different stores. I know there is nothing wrong with just looking around at different things that you think you need. But if you start to compulsively shop...well then theres a problem (haven't done that). I found myself getting more and more materialistic and just wanting to have all the latest things. I forced myself to snap back into reality.
     Yes, it's okay to splurge once in awhile but if you do it quite frequently, then you need to just sit down and think to yourself "Is this really making me happy?" "Will it be better for me in the long run to keep spending money?" Just taking a few moments to think about these things will definitely help not break your wallet in the long run!
     As long as you are focused on saving your money and only going shopping once in a while, everything  will be good! I'm also working on keeping these tips in mind myself. So this is a journey we can all do together! So yes I am Sam and I like going shopping and fashion and beauty, but I also like preparing myself for the future and working hard to make sure I will be financially secure.

     See you all soon!

September Goals!

     A new month, A new time to start anew. I know it has already been a week of September, but it doesn't hurt to come up with some goals to accomplish this month. It gives me an idea of what I want to get done this month so I'm not just sitting around bored. It makes the month  a little more fun and keeps thing organized and in check!
     Anyways I am very excited for the fall season to arrive! I'm not going to lie, but the colder months have always been my favorite. Not that going to the beach is fun, but I just find it much more exciting crunching against the fallen autumn leaves and snuggling up in the couch with a warm fuzzy blanket drinking some warm tea. Now doesn't that sound quite amazing?! I think so!!

So a few things that I'm looking forward to doing and excited for in fall are:
     1. Tidying a lot more! No one likes having a messy room. And since I will living in a dorm room and having a roommate, I need to practice keeping clean!
    2. Pumpkins! I have already been using a lot of pumpkin recipes! I have been eating pumpkin in my pancakes, oatmeal, coffee drinks, and desserts! I cannot wait to visit pumpkin patches because they are so cute and I love finding the perfect pumpkin!
     3. Packing for college! I move in to my dorm really soon, so I need to start getting things ready and cleaning my room out! I have to make sure that I have everything ready to go so I won't be running around panicked!
     4. Once upon a Time!! I am so EXCITED for Once Upon A Time to return on September 28th! That has become one of my favorite TV shows thanks to my friend Ashley, who got me hooked on the show earlier this year. Season 3 was my favorite because I loved Robbie Kay as Peter Pan (he's gorgeous and current holder of my celebrity crush). Season 4 is going to start off with the frozen characters so I'm very excited and thankful that I'm bringing my TV with me so I don't miss out on anything!
    5. Beanies and cardigans! I cannot wait to wear more layered clothing when it starts to get colder! It is still really warm and hot right now but once it starts cooling down, expect for me to get all bundled up!
   
So those are there five things that I am most excited for the fall time! There are still other things that I am looking forward too! Please let me know what your fall essentials are in the comments because I am curious to find out! love you lots!
   



   

Ambitions

     Hello all! It has certainly been awhile since I have last written a blog post. I don't know but I hit a wall and couldn't think of any topics to write. I had the urge to write something but every time I would either procrastinate doing it and find something else to do. Now here I am on this beautiful Saturday Morning, after just finishing my delicious breakfast. Baked Oatmeal for the win!! Anyways, I am typing this post on a topic that has been on my mind for quite some time now.
     Ambitions? What is an ambition? Well according to merriam-webster.com, an ambition is something that a person hopes to do or achieve. It is a specific goal or end that one has in mind. When we were little kids, we would always dream of becoming the craziest things. One kid wanted to be an astronaut, one wanted to be a scientist, and there was always that one kid who wanted to be the next president. Now that we are much older those dreams are closer to us than before. Of course on the other hand you still have to work to reach those goals, but hey at least you are going after what you want. My ambitions and goals have changed several times while I have aged even though I am still quite young. I remember when becoming a veterinarian was my absolute goal. It was all I ever wanted to do. Now here I am a few years later and my dreams have changed again.
     All my life, I have always wondered what I would be good at. I couldn't sing. I DEFINITELY could not dance. And I couldn't play an instrument (Sometimes I wish my mom put me in lessons when I was younger). So what was I good at? Well over the past two years, I have become extremely passionate about one certain, well maybe two certain things. Fitness and Health. Those two components have become a part of me, literally. I have began to be known as the fitness freak out of my group of friends. I don't know but it's just that those two lifestyles are something that I want to incorporate into my career. I have an ambition of becoming a successful personal trailer or "fitness" like Cassey Ho from blogilates or Jillian Michaels. I dream of learning more about healthy cooking like learning more about the vegan lifestyle and incorporating that into my daily life. I would love to write more healthy cooking blog posts.
     But all things take time. The world does not just make it easy for you by handing you these things. You have to go out into the world and carve it yourself. This is your life. Go after what you dream and don't let anyone stop you. Just like Nike's slogan, JUST DO IT!

This isn't goodbye..

     Wow, who knew how fast four years could fly by. Now here we are approaching the upcoming months of the back to school year, August and September. Friends will be moving up north, to Montana, and to New York. Some of us will stay close by at our local university like myself and a few friends. And some will be near at a community college. But nevertheless we are all starting on a new page.
     Yesterday we had one of our last big beach gatherings. At least everyone was there. The main topic of discussion was about college and our majors and how our orientations went. We spent some time reminiscing on our high school days, which give us some slack was only two months ago. We caught up on the latest gossip and played fun little ice breakers for a laugh. Some of us even dared to brave the high tide waves that were so strong they wiped a few of us out including myself, which traumatized me for the day. For the most part though we enjoyed each others company but still avoiding the topic if this was it. If this was the final goodbye. It couldn't be though. right? There was still a few weeks before some of us left for college but for others there was at least a solid less than two months left.
      This isn't goodbye. No matter the distance and the many miles that will separate us as we move into our retrospective universities and colleges, the bond and closeness that we all have will not fade. Sure we could go months without speaking, but when you get us all together in the same place, it's like nothing ever changed. All the old conversations will come back. The familiarity and the inside jokes will start to surface in our brains. We will always be the same kids that hung around OUR lunch area. We will carve our own paths in the world. Some will become doctors, engineers, lawyers, writers, marine biologists, chefs, fashion designers, and for me I hope a successful personal trainer with a cute little vegan restaurant. However, our paths will always lead us back to one another. We will catch up on Facebook and have cute little lunch dates and visit the beach together. We will always be a family and distance could never break our family.
     This is merely a see you later.

        - Sami

"Friends are your chosen family." 

   
   

Sunday Morning Thoughts

     Hello fellow blog readers, I haven't posted in awhile so that is what I'm doing today. I shall write about whatever comes to mind. No editing. No changing. Just one unedited blog post :)
I can't believe the end of July is finally here. It feels like it was just May 31st when I graduated and now I will be going to college in just two months. that's crazy. Like where did the time go. I recently bought all of my school supplies at target so for me that was super exciting. Mostly because I enjoy shopping LOL. School supply shopping is even better. And i get to edit a video that I made that is going to be called "School Supply Haul!". Sometime soon I will need to get my dorm room supplies since I will be living on campus this year.
     I am actually a little scared for on campus living. The thought of sharing a bathroom with thirty other people repulses me. I guess I am just used to having my own little bathroom where I don't care if I get a little toothpaste on the mirror. Howeeeever I am excited to be dorming with my best friend! Well hopefully we get picked to be together! I will be looking forward to our up and coming adventures this year as cool new college students. If you have any tips or anything about freshman year for college PLEASE let me know in the comments below!
    Talk to you later! - Miss Sami

Summer Lookbook 2014

     I have always been fascinated with the beauty and fashion world. It is where I first started getting into the youtube world. I discovered different beauty gurus such as allthatglitters21 and juicystar07. Since then I have always been interested in starting my own youtube channel. It took years to finally work up some nerve and start my channel. So far I have posted about 6 videos and I love it! Youtube for me is a great way to put some positive energy in the world. It's like this little hole in me has been filled.
     One of my new recent videos really took off. I filmed a summer lookup video with the help of my mom. I came up with four different outfit ideas and posed around in this nice little park.

I actually had a lot of fun filming this even though the people in the park were probably wondering why does this girl keep changing her outfits?! Haha i will keep making more videos to my youtube channel. But if you want to check my summer cookbook video I will have it linked right here!  http://youtu.be/uIfx2p_SDlw

Fourth of July Fun

     The past 4th of Julys have always been celebrated at my house. We would have a big party with all of our closest friends with amazing food and glow sticks for the kids. Then around 9pm we would watch the beautiful fireworks, which could be seen right by our house. It was a lot of work hosting these parties because we would have to do all the cleaning, cooking, and entertaining. Not that I didn't enjoy these parties, but it's nice to take a break sometimes.
     So this year to change things up a bit, we decided to make a trip to Seaport Village, San Diego to watch the Big Bay boom where (I think 4) huge fireworks shows are going off at the same time all near to each other. It was definitely great to change things up as it was a beautiful experience. The fireworks were huge and so beautiful as well! We arrived at the park there around 6am and got our tent all set up and ready. It was said that Seaport village was expecting at least 70,000 people to be watching these fireworks. We were lucky enough to arrive early to get a perfect front row spot. Lol I also enjoyed seeing all the cute guys walking around the park too HAHAH.
     We left our stuff in the park and took a stroll to all the shops in Seaport Village. They have so many cute little shops like hat shops, soap opera shop, and a cute bookstore with all sorts of knick knacks. We even treated ourselves to some yummy Ben & Jerry's ice cream too. For dinner we walked to the Cheesecake Factory. It was my parent's first time and my second. It was so delicious! Cheesecake factory does not disappoint. However we were too full to order any cheesecake so we will definitely have to come back again! I ordered a scrumptious skinnylicious veggie burger with a side of sweet potato fries! It was amazing and I ate the whole thing HAHA.
    Around 9pm the fireworks started and all I heard around me were "oohs" and "aaahhs". It felt like I was a little kid again. It was honestly one of the best fourth of Julys that I ever celebrated.

Helloooooo!! Well since my last blog post (about a week ago) A LOT HAS HAPPENED! well sort of  LOL. So last thursday I went to disneyland with two of my best friends! That whole day felt like fate because everything just seemed so on point. People were so friendly and outgoing and we made so many new friends that day (hello cristy and gabby!). We even met the owners of grumpy cat, who were taking a break from vidcon! Then we got to see the CUTE aladdin who looks like tyler posy! He even waved at us ahhhhh.

Also for tonight for dinner I made my own version of Britain's famous fish and chips! It was sweet potato fries and oven fried tilapia!

This summer has given me such a great excuse to learn a lot more about cooking and although I'm not  that great at it, I'm still learning! So hopefully I will be a lot better at it by the end of this summer!

BYE

healthy foodz

Hello peoples!! So today I felt like the next Giada Di Laurentis (I think that's how you spell her name haha)...I made a super delicious dinner for both my mom and I and a mouth-watering dessert too! For dinner I made a Kale Quinoa Black Bean salad! I literally came up with this on the spot no joke haha. I never felt so proud for actually making this on my own without using any recipe at all! This literally took me 30 minutes to make mostly because I had to wait for the quinoa to finish cooking! Then I just let the kale soak all the flavor in the fridge!

Hehe then after laying in a bed I was scrolling through instagram and found this Layed Peanut Butter Chocolate dessert....I couldn't resist making it so I did haha! Here's a picture :)

Haha I've never been so happy at actually making my own food! This is one of my goals for the summer and life is to learn how to cook healthy and delicious food! I'm definitely going to keep working on this goal! Yaaaay yummy food talk for my first blog post! 

Byeeeee :)